Alcohol gives me extreme anxiety, but I didn't figure that out until my mid-thirties. I stick to weed and low doses of psychedelics now, but it's getting really hard to escape my thoughts. I tried therapy for many years but couldn't find a therapist who understood hyper-capitalism's impact on my mental health. I feel like all we do is pointless work at bullshit jobs to pay for basic needs and cheap thrills.

We live in a depressing system, and it's killing us, but I'm hanging on in hopes we throw a rebellion (peacefully, hopefully). Also, I figure if I'm going to be here and endure this hell, I might as well try to find ways to make things less shit for others and myself. I'm a shit gardener, but I volunteer at an urban garden that relieves food insecurities. It's the only thing I look forward to, but it's something. Oh, and I decided if the world is mad, I have the green light to act like a crazed lunatic at all times and wallow in grief whenever I feel like it.

At least this shit is hysterically depressing. I mean, Elon Musk had a human dress as a robot to show the world he might develop one someday. Go on, check out his presentation on YouTube for a laugh and reassurance our world is completely bonkers.

xo